We Are Pink Ribbon Cowgirls

The following was written by one of my fellow Pink Ribbon Cowgirls, Deborah Carroll.  It eloquently expresses why I am so happy and proud to know such a fantastic group of women.

Brenda Ladd took the photo related to my writing this, and I believe it will be included in the 2011 ArtBra calendar, produced as a fundraiser for the Breast Cancer Resource Center. I love the two women with whom I am posing, and all three of us have amazing strengths and, of course, amazing weaknesses. I forget I have been diagnosed with breast cancer so much of the time. Others seem to project that since I am so very involved in the cancer community (and I am not nearly as involved as so many of my sisters and brothers), breast cancer must be my identity. I think I speak for all of us when I say that none of us wants or takes on cancer as an identity. We are strong. We are weak. We weep alone, crying without sound from open mouths that struggle to express emotional pain. We joyfully celebrate many of lifes blessings. We are often in physical pain. Three of my sisters have passed on to the afterlife within the past year. They loved well and hard and fully, leaving this earth in their states of great peace. We think we are finished when another lump and a different cancer is found. We compete in marathons, triathlons, multi-day races and physical/mental/emotional challenges of many types. We struggle to keep self-owned and operated businesses in tact while we deal with surgeries and appointments, children & families & pets. We struggle to deal with bosses and co-workers who treat us "less-than", OR, we often have some of the most compassionate co-workers on the face of the earth. We have insurance. We do not have insurance. We have to fight with insurance to pay for testing that may save our lives. I had great insurance during the bulk of my treatment and have now had no insurance for 1.5 years because I cannot afford it. We lose significant others because they internalise our diagnosis. We work to be present, to be available for the next woman or man who crosses our path, struggling with or simply making acceptable sense of this diagnosis. Pink Ribbon Cowgirls have been diagnosed with breast cancer, and the median age is probably 34 for our group...I didn't ask Runi for stats. I am 47 this month. I act about 24 in loose social settings. One of our group was 19 when diagnosed. At least once per week I am approached by a friend who has a friend who knows someone who has found a lump or has been diagnosed...may they call me??? Absolutely! One thing I have found to be never-endingly true is that we DON'T KNOW WHAT WE DON'T KNOW. I did not know anything about the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls and went through my diagnosis and treatment asking for particular tests and driving toward beneficial protocol. I have many years background in medical information, pharmacology, holistic body treatment and being intuitive about my own body. Many other Cowgirls do too, or they have learned to, as they see how to plug in what they thought they knew with what really happens in their bodies, comparing notes with others of us. Most of us have friends we love dearly who have had varieties of cancers...we love together, we train together, we cook together, we sit in chemo rooms and by hospital beds...for melanoma, for uterine cancer, for pancreatic, for metastatic...for whatever. I believe anyone can relate if anyone wants to relate, and they must first relate to the depths of their own perceived struggles and subsequent victories/perceived failures. One of my favorite quips is "get real, get well", and by owning all of who I am, or working to do such, I work toward greater healing for myself and for others. Some of us have had a lumpectomy and radiation, often over 10 years ago, and have had no other signs of clumping cancer cells in our bodies. Some of us have had double mastectomies, radiation and chemo, only to find a recurrence shortly after we thought we were "through". Most of us are somewhere in-between. Some of us have lived with stage IV cancer for 5+ years...having had cancer diagnoses for 10+ years. We wouldn't notice if we didn't have to show up weekly or monthly for chemo the remainder of our lives. SOME of us bravely (and smartly, imho) had prophylactic mastectomies solely based on family history and prevalence of breast cancer in our immediate families. Most of us try to get our friends to be pro-active about getting breast checks and gyn. checks. I know I am limited, know I am driven by character defects on many occasions, however I know that I have been given gifts by God, gifts of discovery and strength, gifts of encouragement, and I only hope to keep the door open for these gifts to be used appropriately. My sisters are the same. We are not superhuman because we show up...we have only been given that strength for that moment...and if we can, we do. Many of us have a multitude of life challenges, from absent family to blind children to a child with a brain tumor to diagnoses of bi-polar disorder or severe panic attacks...from feeling completely alone to being completely supported by the most idyllic family and friends imaginable. We are just people. We have been diagnosed with or related strongly with breast cancer and we have taken steps toward healing. There is so much more to us than cancer.
We will be here for you.