Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase. - MLK, Jr.
Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway. - John Wayne
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hair Horror

I'm still harping on loosing my hair, sorry but it is really traumatic. Especially when it won't go ahead and fall out already; I have little itchy bald spots all over the sides and back of my head, and the top looks fine. I guess this is how thick hair falls out, one agonizing piece at a time. I look like I should be in the army with my high and tight - except for the bald spots. The bald spots are growing, but I have so much hair to loose that every morning it is painful to look at my pillow and I'll probably end up using the entire lint roller before I go home. At this point I wish it would all fall out and be done with it. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so freakish. Right now I’m not even sure how to cover my head, I mean I still have some hair no matter how strange it looks, and every time I touch my head hair falls out. I need to decide what I’m going to do at the hospital tomorrow. I don’t think I’m going to wear a wig and the instructions for how to tie a scarf make me look eighty. Right now it seems that my struggles are about how to present myself to the world, rather than how to get well. I know how to get well. I don’t know how to look well for everyone else; and the answer isn’t to put on a wig, some makeup, and pretend that I’m someone else. That is just too painful. Oh well something to think about on a Sunday afternoon. Tomorrow I see my doctor for the first time since starting my chemotherapy. I hope that she can give me something for the congestion that has taken up residence in my chest and sinus cavities. I’m getting tired of bloody noses. It would also be nice if she could let me know if I can do the triathlon that I want to do in April. That will give me something to look forward to, something to train for. Right now I feel like I’m getting fattened up, for what I don’t know, but puffiness is not very becoming on a half-balding person!
I'll post pictures tomorrow or Tuesday. The wireless doesn't work here and the pictures are trapped on my laptop.

1 comment:

Dad and Diane said...

Rachel,

First of all, there is no way you could look bad, with or without hair. If you get to do the triathlon, I'll bring a cheering section. Any needs and I (or we) can come. Let me know.

Are you having any nausea, dizziness,etc?

Love to you and Cody,

Dad and Di