Overwhelmed

I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed with all of this stuff.  I am tired of all of the trips to Houston, not having any hair, feeling crappy, not having a clean house, the testing, the pokes, the prods, the constant bloody nose...I am just sick and tired of it all.  I am tired of the cold weather and not being able to be outside, and my body being too tired to workout.  I find it hard not to talk to anyone all day long, until Cody comes home from work, the isolation is depressing.  I know that there are only seven more chemo trips to Houston (three of Pacitaxel and four of F.E.C. Fluorouracil. Epirubicin. Cyclophosphamide), but now I have to go on Thursday to get and MRI of my head because of my sinus problems so I have to spend more time away from home.  And after all of the chemo I start surgery preparations, possible radiation, and then more surgery and reconstruction.  It's frustrating and the trip to Houston is exhausting.  I don't think I ever want to go to Houston again once I'm done with all of this.  That old adage your parents used to always tell you, "Life is not Fair" seems to have hit me squarely in the forehead, and no matter how hard I work at getting through the first smack in the head something else comes along and smacks me in the head again.  Sorry for gripping, I know you don't read my blog to listen to someone complain about how hard it is to get through all of this crap, and how unfair it all feels.  This weekend I was supposed to plant my garden, so that we could at least get some fruit on the plants before it hits 90 and the plants stop producing.  This year Cody and I were going to travel.  We were going to go and visit Jen and Mike in London, maybe go to Paris, go explore the Big Island with Clyde and Geri, go skiing in Sunapee...
Today I start working on getting my muscles prepared for my mastectomy in a few months.  I need to strengthen my back, abs, and other core support muscles so that I can recover more quickly from surgery; and hopefully not get lymphedema.  Tomorrow I have another lunch with the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls, then its off to Houston for the weekend.